Living In The Moment

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

For over ten years, I have been the primary financial support for my children. When I first left their father, I went back to school to finish my teaching certification. I worked long hours at a Thai food place in Eugene and attended classes full time. I had an angel in my life who offered to care for my children for the duration of my program, two years. For those two years, I did not have to worry about my long hours and school commitments.

 I knew my children would be safe while I put in a full day at school and then a long, late shift in the evening. The rainy nights made it difficult to transfer the children from their sleepy beds, through the rain, into the car, back out of the car, through the rain again, and finally into their own beds. On these long nights, my angel thought it would be best for them to spend the night, she would take them to school and I would be pick them up.

It was hard. Sometimes I did not see my children for a couple of days, mostly due to school, sleeping, etc. I know it was hard on them. However, I am so grateful for my darling angel, there are no words. After graduation, I accepted a teaching position in Southern California.

The three of us packed up our belongings, said a teary farewell to our former life and headed south toward Los Angeles. We made many stops to see family and friends in San Francisco and Santa Cruz. If you ask my children, they will tell you we stopped at EVERY mission along the way. It wasn't every mission, just three or four.

We finally made it. I found the sweet cottage we now call home and embarked upon the next chapter of our lives. I know it sounds lovely and sweet and it has been, but it has also been very hard. My job was demanding in many ways, academically, emotionally and spiritually. My children were often on the back burner. Please know, they were cared for and loved and fed, but I was rarely fully present. I never received help from their father, they have no relationship with him. He still struggles with addiction and it has been difficult for all of us.

I guess I shared all of this because as I type this post, dinner is cooking, the house is tidy and the children are off at their after school activities. I am no longer the only adult in the house, and have the love and support of a wonderful, generous man. When the children return, we will all sit around our table together. Only this time, I will be present. I will not be a million miles away, planning the next lesson or thinking about the parent phone calls I must return, but here, at our dinner table.

I feel so very lucky in this precious moment.


Frank said...

Know that I am the lucky one, lady. And that chicken smells DELICIOUS!

Beas barnslikheter said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. I am a teacher too and although I live with my children's father, I can really understand what you are talking about. I think we all do the best that we can in our lives and I believe you are doing a great job.

Love Bea from Sweden