The Sun Never Says

Even

After

All this time

The sun never says, to the earth,

"You owe

Me."

Look

What happens

With a love like that,

It lights the 

Whole 

Sky.

-Hafiz

Home Again, Home Again...

I arrived late Friday evening. Everyone was waiting for me. It is good to go away. The fridge is clean, which proves that I need not be here in order for the fridge to get cleaned. Imagine.

I will share more later. just wanted to share a hello!

Still on the island

I am still here in Hawaii, I was stung by a Portuguese Man o War, a lovely blue bubbled jellyfish. My foot swelled to three times it's size. The doctor did not want me to fly. Darn. I had to stay in Hawaii, my angels really look after me, don't they? 

I still do not have any photos. Not a one. The camera has been in the same spot since I put it down the evening I arrived. I am usually snapping photos of everything around me. This trip, I seem to be just soaking up my environment through my skin, my nostrils, my heart.

I am swimming in the love of family. Spending time preparing meals, sewing, quilting, watching movies, talking and simply being together. I feel surrounded by well wishers and those who see me, really see me. It is nice to be known.

The rain has been spilling from the sky night and day. I awake to a cacophony of birds chatting in the high trees. Pink plumeria flowers bloom outside my window and the trade winds waft through my room. At night, I hear the soft sound of steady island rain. The clouds are ever changing, the air perfumed with water and sweet scented flowers.

I had tea with my cousin and aunt at  The Moana Surfrider in Waikiki. We sat on the veranda, overlooking the ocean on one of the days the sun showed it's face. I was so grateful for my life, to be alive, to be with loved ones, to be looking out over the twinkling sea, I thought I was going to burst into tears. Tears of joy.

After a very rough year, loss of my old life, my old friends, my community, my class of children, I have been swimming in sorrow. I mourned for what I lost, for being betrayed by those I put my trust, for the first time in my life, I felt regret creep into my thoughts. Yet, here, where the air smells of blossoms and everyone greets you with a kiss and warm aloha, I remembered. I remembered that deep beneath the sadness dwells a heart that is grateful for the simple pleasures of life. I remembered that I am a a good girl. I have pure intentions and all I did was accidentally hurt my back while at work. All the grime that followed does not define me as a human being. Those that turned their backs on me, never truly had their hearts toward me. I am a good person, I love deeply and without condition. I am sorry for those who feel betrayed by me, it was never my intention. I am learning to care for myself, to listen, really listen to the small voices of my heart. These are the voices pure in tone, that resonate with love and truth, I have been ignoring them for too long. The trade winds reminded me. The scented air reminded me. The salty blue water reminded me. I will take this sweet air, this clarity, with me, on my way back to the mainland...

From The Islands

Unfortunately, there are no photos to share. I promise to have some tomorrow. I have been spending my days practicing yoga, reading and surrounding myself with family. There have been long naps, and deep night sleeps, lulled to slumber by the mighty trade winds and rainy skies. I have not even dipped into the ocean as of yet. Tomorrow, for sure.

I am sewing and quilting and embroidering my fingers stiff. Playing with dogs and wee ones, braiding hair, sharing french fries and milk shakes, dying eggs and baking cookies for Easter baskets.

There have been many meals shared with loved ones and outings, here and there. Mostly, I am sticking close to home. Close to my heart.

Aloha

Spring Rain

Yesterday afternoon, the wind began to blow, gently at first, then with great gusts. I could see the Maple leaves thrashing outside my window and the unmistakable sound of wind and leaves and branches meeting. The winds brought rain and black night skies, I smiled to myself as I thought of the seedlings and young plantings in the garden. I planted another two rows of corn last night before the wind blew too hard. What a gift for the dried corn, tucked in the dark earth, the rain. I don't have high hopes for the corn, the most I am hoping for is the drama of the tall stalks bowing gracefully in the beds. I will not complain if we have sweet ears of yellow corn come August, I am just trying to be realistic. 

I will leaving for the lush island of Oahu tomorrow. A bit of alone time, time to finish healing and to prepare for what is ahead of me. What that is, I am unsure. I feel as though I need a little tender care of my own. In some ways, I am afraid of the isolation, but I do look forward to rediscovering my strength and fire for life. I have been dampened by the events of this last year. My self-confidence and inner resolve are at an all time low. I intend to soak in the strong sun, the trade winds and saltwater, feed my soul with quiet reflection.

I am unsure whether I will lug the computer with me, if I do, you will be hearing from me.  

Mary, Mary Quite Contrary

How does your garden grow?

With silver bells and cockle shells,

And pretty maids, all in a row...

This is our garden, as humble as it may be. There two more beds, waiting for seedlings.

I have a feeling there will be many more plants, veggies, herbs and flowers before the fall harvest. Yes, those are blueberries in Southern California. It is a new thing, I was told I needed two bushes, but have not got around to purchasing another. I was told the same about the pomegranate tree. I guess everything needs a friend for support, to lean on, to pollinate and fruit and thrive with... Not unlike us, I suppose. I have been trying to intermingle flowers, herbs and vegetables, enticing the bees to come and feast in our yard. 

Grow, Little Garden, Grow!

Silent No More

I have been very quiet of late. My insides are jumbled and twisty, my thoughts unclear. I have been in the garden many a day. Planting, weeding, watering, whispering, "Now grow! Grow!" I think it is working. The hardest part is waiting for the seedlings to emerge, to be ready to be planted. I want to rush them, but I know it is best for us all if I just wait, let them grow stronger, so they can make the transition into the ground. 

There is a perfect play of sunshine, wind, rain and attention, the yard is beginning to bloom. I want to spend every moment out there, watching the bees and the wee praying mantis that now resides with the eggplant and peppers. He only appears to me. I tell people about him, but he only shows himself to me. The neighbor is cleaning out her yard. She keeps poking her head over the fence, handing me chipped pots, she no longer wants in her picture perfect garden. I take them all. As we dug up the earth behind the garage, we found my son's old tire swing. "I guess we should throw this out..." says my love. Or we can make it a planter! Duh. It is now the home to three cantaloupe seedlings. Maybe it isn't picture perfect for others, but I believe in using what one has. I promise pictures later!

Winner of the 100th post giveaway!

Kathy, please send me your mailing address and I will ship the hankie off to you straightaway!