Still on the island

Thursday, April 23, 2009

I am still here in Hawaii, I was stung by a Portuguese Man o War, a lovely blue bubbled jellyfish. My foot swelled to three times it's size. The doctor did not want me to fly. Darn. I had to stay in Hawaii, my angels really look after me, don't they? 

I still do not have any photos. Not a one. The camera has been in the same spot since I put it down the evening I arrived. I am usually snapping photos of everything around me. This trip, I seem to be just soaking up my environment through my skin, my nostrils, my heart.

I am swimming in the love of family. Spending time preparing meals, sewing, quilting, watching movies, talking and simply being together. I feel surrounded by well wishers and those who see me, really see me. It is nice to be known.

The rain has been spilling from the sky night and day. I awake to a cacophony of birds chatting in the high trees. Pink plumeria flowers bloom outside my window and the trade winds waft through my room. At night, I hear the soft sound of steady island rain. The clouds are ever changing, the air perfumed with water and sweet scented flowers.

I had tea with my cousin and aunt at  The Moana Surfrider in Waikiki. We sat on the veranda, overlooking the ocean on one of the days the sun showed it's face. I was so grateful for my life, to be alive, to be with loved ones, to be looking out over the twinkling sea, I thought I was going to burst into tears. Tears of joy.

After a very rough year, loss of my old life, my old friends, my community, my class of children, I have been swimming in sorrow. I mourned for what I lost, for being betrayed by those I put my trust, for the first time in my life, I felt regret creep into my thoughts. Yet, here, where the air smells of blossoms and everyone greets you with a kiss and warm aloha, I remembered. I remembered that deep beneath the sadness dwells a heart that is grateful for the simple pleasures of life. I remembered that I am a a good girl. I have pure intentions and all I did was accidentally hurt my back while at work. All the grime that followed does not define me as a human being. Those that turned their backs on me, never truly had their hearts toward me. I am a good person, I love deeply and without condition. I am sorry for those who feel betrayed by me, it was never my intention. I am learning to care for myself, to listen, really listen to the small voices of my heart. These are the voices pure in tone, that resonate with love and truth, I have been ignoring them for too long. The trade winds reminded me. The scented air reminded me. The salty blue water reminded me. I will take this sweet air, this clarity, with me, on my way back to the mainland...


Christopher Guilfoil said...

Nice to put the camera down for awhile. Now, it would be interesting to hear your ideas on why the sting to the foot? Not from the causal vantage point, but from the "messege." I always have found injuries to the feet and hands very significant if we use imagination – and from such an exotic, interesting creature.

All the best,

Terry Gallina said...

You obviously needed more time than you planned for. Yes your angels are looking out for you. =)
I want you to know that I feel your pain and I truly love your honesty. I always cherished our friendship. Remembering our times together; I learned a lot from you. Your sweet smile and bright eyes wasn't enough for anyone. Everyone wanted to know what Puanani was thinking. Your writings are amazing. I knew and still do know what you are capable of. I hope you can find your newest purpose. You did a ton of good while a teacher.
This is just the beginning of anew.
I believe that each person deals with life's changes differently. Praying is my therapy. Admitting out loud to myself that I have a need. I can fix me. I listen to other people to learn from their experiences and I show them empathy. I embrace my valleys and of course celebrate my peaks. I was told by a coworker, "you sometimes have to experience a break down before you can find a break through". Somethings gotta give is one of my own quotes. Life can be just grand for weeks and weeks. I know that soon "somethings gotta give" usually because of my lack of focusing on the whole picture. Here comes my challenge, time to make me a better me. Always this is easier said than done. Especially when it involves "the love of my life". Forgiveness is my personal virtue. Now and again, I need to stop feeling angry toward myself.
I don't physically suffer from back pain but I have pain. Everyone has pain. Keep searching for your comfort and thank you for mine.
I'm glad you went home in search of...

Kathy Vanillo said...

You got stung by a Portuguese Man o War. The President and his family have a Portuguese Water Dog. What is it about this overlooked European country and its animals?

As always, I have enjoyed your posts. It is OK if you did not take photos because if you had pointed the camera at something, you would have missed something else.

Terry is correct. We all have truly wanted to know what you were thinking. Thanks again for the gift of your blog.

Miss you...