Still on the island

I am still here in Hawaii, I was stung by a Portuguese Man o War, a lovely blue bubbled jellyfish. My foot swelled to three times it's size. The doctor did not want me to fly. Darn. I had to stay in Hawaii, my angels really look after me, don't they? 

I still do not have any photos. Not a one. The camera has been in the same spot since I put it down the evening I arrived. I am usually snapping photos of everything around me. This trip, I seem to be just soaking up my environment through my skin, my nostrils, my heart.

I am swimming in the love of family. Spending time preparing meals, sewing, quilting, watching movies, talking and simply being together. I feel surrounded by well wishers and those who see me, really see me. It is nice to be known.

The rain has been spilling from the sky night and day. I awake to a cacophony of birds chatting in the high trees. Pink plumeria flowers bloom outside my window and the trade winds waft through my room. At night, I hear the soft sound of steady island rain. The clouds are ever changing, the air perfumed with water and sweet scented flowers.

I had tea with my cousin and aunt at  The Moana Surfrider in Waikiki. We sat on the veranda, overlooking the ocean on one of the days the sun showed it's face. I was so grateful for my life, to be alive, to be with loved ones, to be looking out over the twinkling sea, I thought I was going to burst into tears. Tears of joy.

After a very rough year, loss of my old life, my old friends, my community, my class of children, I have been swimming in sorrow. I mourned for what I lost, for being betrayed by those I put my trust, for the first time in my life, I felt regret creep into my thoughts. Yet, here, where the air smells of blossoms and everyone greets you with a kiss and warm aloha, I remembered. I remembered that deep beneath the sadness dwells a heart that is grateful for the simple pleasures of life. I remembered that I am a a good girl. I have pure intentions and all I did was accidentally hurt my back while at work. All the grime that followed does not define me as a human being. Those that turned their backs on me, never truly had their hearts toward me. I am a good person, I love deeply and without condition. I am sorry for those who feel betrayed by me, it was never my intention. I am learning to care for myself, to listen, really listen to the small voices of my heart. These are the voices pure in tone, that resonate with love and truth, I have been ignoring them for too long. The trade winds reminded me. The scented air reminded me. The salty blue water reminded me. I will take this sweet air, this clarity, with me, on my way back to the mainland...